life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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