Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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