if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
