If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
