If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
