U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
