i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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