You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
