Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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