i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
