I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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