end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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