if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
