i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
