I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why is half of my head shaved?
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