Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
