yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
