This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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