Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize