...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
