Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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