susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
