How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
