I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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