She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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