You just made me feel so damn special
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
