Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
