i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize