a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
