and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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