I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
