TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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