I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
