There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
