if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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