A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
