I can text with my tongue
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
