Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
