Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he had hair everywhere except his balls
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
