yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
