One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
