And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
