Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Still dying that you shit outside
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
