Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
