So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
