my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
