why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize