There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
