I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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