I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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