just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
