he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize