he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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