Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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