Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize