So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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