we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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