you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
