I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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