Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
