it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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