if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
