i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
