After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize