So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
