he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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