i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
pop tarts are not kleenex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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