She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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