I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
