She announced her abortion via fbk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize