My cat gives me a boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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