dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
