1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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